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She's Not So Dumb

Identity Crisis- All The Cool Mums Are Having Them!

I had a toddler, a young baby, another on the way AND an identity crisis.

Lucky me! That summer, and the two years before it, maternity clothes had been the staple. In fact, I’d been wearing maternity clothes for so long that I didn’t actually know what clothing I liked anymore! Actually, that’s a lie, but those I DID like were sized in months, not the 10-12 (14) to which I was accustomed. The Finger Family Song had been on repeat-loop for so long that I’d forgotten what music actually was. The never ending hospital appointments and check ups routine meant that I’d not been seeing my friends either. No doubt about it to me, I had lost my identity and all in all? It was pretty shit!

I am fully aware that confusing clothing and music choices are pretty first world problems. However, at the time, it felt massive to me. Motherhood had consumed me and my identity. I was a mother and that was all. In with the babies out with the personality.

I’d love to say that buying some new clothes and downloading some music fixes all life’s problems, but as we know: it doesn’t*.

shoes happiness test quotes kurt geiger carvela heels identity crisis

(*Except for shoes!)

One thing that can help though is knowing that you are not alone (we are a sadistic race after all). I think social media can go a long way in that respect. It was a year later that I started my Instagram account and as a result, I have met, and reconnected with, some lovely people. Being able to say or hear “me too” can really make all the difference. If Social Media’s not your gig, reach out to a friend, she’s probably dying to hear someone else say they feel the same as her!

As mums, (or dads) we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. Firstly, with a young baby, you do effectively become a cow. (in both the traditional milk-providing and offensive sense!) Yes, your toddler will inevitably throw a hissy fit over not being allowed to set fire to the cat, or something equally ridiculous, in the supermarket. No, neither of those things make you great company, but the people that love you will understand, after all: those years are short. And no, these things do not define you, yes- you will change but you just need to embrace those changes for what they are. You’ll find new clothes and music eventually!!

In the end?

You have an awesome new dance partner (or three) to dance around the kitchen with! And they are the best of times- regardless of what’s playing!

identity crisis, dance around the kitchen

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**On a serious note, if you feel what you are feeling may be signs/ symptoms of depression or another illness please do speak to your GP, a friend or family member. Remove The Stigma, Mental Health Awareness week 2017.

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  1. Susie/So Happy In Town

    It’s so easy to sink into the identity crisis well – I can’t believe not everybody does. I lived in maternity clothes and wore my maternity bras long after I needed to. And as for seeing friends! Well that just goes down the tubes. But as you say, there are other people out there feeling exactly the same, though it’s hard to imagine when you’re in the thick of it, and I found it so important to reach out to them. What a relief when I realised they were in the same boat. #bloggerclubuk

  2. Lisa

    I love how you write and I agree totally – off to follow you on SM and can’t wait to read more! #blogcrush

  3. Joana at Mind The Mummy

    I totally get you! I felt the same way and still do sometimes despite my boy being three and being back at work full time since he was 8 months. That’s compounded by the fact he NEVER sleeps and exhaustion does mean, very evil things to your judgement and self-worth. For me talking helps and writing helps. It’s also massively reassuring to connect with others who are experiencing the same. Group therapy is one thing, but group therapy of sleep deprived mums is next level 🙂 #blogcrush

  4. Emily

    It’s hard at times to remember who we were before we had kids and we must try to remember that we’re still the same person underneath, just with lots of new aspects to our lives! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLInky

  5. Nige

    What a fantastic honest post all parents mum’s and dads feel like this at some or another Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  6. Lucy At Home

    Great post! It can be so hard when you feel like you’re losing yourself or you don’t even know who you are anymore. But, as you say, these times do not last forever, and, whilst parenthood changes us, it does not need to replace us #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Bloggers Bluff 18: Mummy and LissMy Profile


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